Maybe I Would Not Have Been Sexually Assaulted

Dear mom,
Growing up, you taught me how to love. You taught me how to be someone who
puts 110% into everything and everyone that I love. You taught me everything that I know in order to have become the wonderful woman that I am today. I will forever be grateful for that.

Unfortunately, being this woman today has been a blessing, yet a curse. Why you may ask? Mom, growing up you taught me to love someone with everything in me. I do not think that you understood how powerful and impactful that this turned out to be. This is exactly who I am. I love. However, mom, if I would have known that some people are undeserving of my love then maybe I would not have gone through what I’ve gone through. Maybe I would not have been deceived into doing things that I did not want to do because I loved someone so deeply. Maybe I would not have been sexually assaulted.

Maybe if you had helped me comprehend that it is more important to love yourself and acknowledge that some people are monsters. Maybe this would have prevented me from being taken advantage of, and maybe it wouldn’t have happened. It’s funny because you have no idea that this even happened. You have no idea that this even happened because if you had allowed me to feel like I could be vulnerable with you without being lectured, then it wouldn’t have happened. It would have been prevented.

I wish I had understood that communication is very big aspect of a relationship and how it completely outweighs your love for a person. There was such a lack of communication between us, mom, that it poured over into my everyday life and now I have no idea what to think or who to be. All I have learned is from unfortunate circumstances. All I have learned is that no matter how much
you love someone, if there is no communication then you should have enough respect for yourself to leave.

Going into college, I know it would have been important to have this
knowledge. It is a vital aspect of growing up and having the ability to create genuine, meaningful, and healthy relationships. This would have changed my perspective and my experiences more than you know. I wish you had taught me that.