Jan 10, 2022
Too Many Times Have I Allowed Myself to Get Manipulated Into Unhealthy Sex and Relationships
To my parents and the public school system,
There is much I wish I had known before entering adulthood and having a sexual life of my own. Even to say “I” is too limiting, and this is far from me. I believe “We” would be more thoroughly put; I yearn for a universal fortification of a heightened/strengthened understanding of the reasons people continuously fall out of touch with sexual wrongs and rights. Perhaps knowing more than the dry academic-level detail of anatomy would have helped me formulate more productive opinions on my own experiences and would’ve negated my feeling that compelled me previously to; justify those who were wrong, to dismiss the things that happened to me that were wrong, or to turn a blind eye to the real suffering of others around me. Though on one hand I’m resentful towards my bearing witness to and experiencing of these kinds of happenings/misunderstandings of sex, I’m contrarily grateful life has provided me the experiences and tools to learn of the severity and magnitude that these events possess in one's life. I also hold gratitude for having had the opportunity to take this communications course as early in my twenties as I did. Enough so that I can use the insight I’ve gained going forward to promote a healthier and happier life for both myself and those subjected to my company and/or romantic intimacy.
I wish I had been warned more of the dangers and blurred lines of sexual coercion. This is, in itself, a vague addressment of a wider umbrella of problems. As much thanks as you can credit the movies and media for making obvious right from wrong, it is contrarily guilty of setting false expectations, leading even morally stable individuals down what they don’t know to be a negative route. What I wish was greater enforced in my sexual education and that of others is the fact that coercion goes both ways, and that alcohol isn’t an acceptable way of getting the man or woman you desire into bed with you (or in misogynistic jargon; make it to “home base”). There are too many instances of “fuck it, why not?” ‘s that I have fallen victim to to completely forgive myself for my naivety. Too many times have I allowed myself to get manipulated into unhealthy sex and relationships where I hid away, living comfortably uncomfortable within a situation where my lack of information on the subject prevented me from finding reason enough to take action and leave. Perhaps many were even situations where sexual or drug-related incentives kept me in a cycle where that “simple” action appeared almost as something I should feel guilty for even considering. It’s pained me and has led to years of difficulty; coaching myself away from the inevitable prison-cell of regret and in the direction of better identifying these situations as they come in order to avoid them. In saying this I recognize this isn’t always done so simply which is why this is a constructive conversation for us all, regardless of experience or inexperience. After all, to imagine a society who can’t do onto each other well enough in decency, let alone sex, enough to avoid a life spent playing emotional-catch up as I have should fill anyone with fear.
To note lastly, I’d like to address my fellow males in my equation. To continuously watch impressionable men, turn into rapists and abusers or to watch others' confidence die because they’ve found themselves in the arms of too many is both conflicting and taxing, for me and any in the periphery. I can't bear to watch people turn pathetic and dangerous to get what they want anymore. I wish to never again look into the eyes of a woman who knows what I may not and how that makes falling in trust with a man a leap of faith. Lastly, I wish to someday escape my compassion being taken for granted and used against me by a woman seeking to regain her strength, strength that was lost at the hands of another casualty of what has failed to be discussed. These experiences can prompt anyone who cares enough to listen to fly through life with their guard high-raised and their eyes wide shut. This is warrants causation to how negatively victims begin to view sexual intimacy and stop trying to pursue it, sometimes even running away from the right love because right no longer feels like home. This type of repression IS causation in people acting the type of poorly I have illustrated and demands a collective action, one far beyond my sentiments alone can prevent. You as parents and educators should know this better than I. This is by no means a confession to say I’ve forced the hand of anyone as mine have been forced but is rather a coming clean; I am desensitized, and this is my grievance. So please, for me and the millions of others for whom I speak, consider this going forth in your education and the conduct of your character. It matters!